sometimes we call, sometimes we don't....we need....we want....we lack....but does it matter? where will life lead us? what is the future? love everlasting....god i miss my mother somedays....and my brother...ache in my heart that is so deep it's hard to describe to anyone. deep pool, dark....still....quivering with the breeze....ache that cannot be satisfied by anyone on this earth.

trapped in the web of my own making but do i want to get out?
or am i at peace being tangled up.....

Coldplay sings to me.....

"Oh no, I see
A spider-web is tangled up with me
And I lost my head
And thought of all the stupid things I've said

Oh no, what's this?
A spider-web and I'm caught in the middle
So I turn to run
And thought of all the stupid things I've done

And oh, I never meant to cause you trouble
Oh, I never meant to do you wrong
And oh, well if I ever caused you trouble
Oh, no I never meant to do you harm

Oh no, I see
The spider-web and it's me in the middle
So I twist and turn
But here am I in my little bubble

Singing and oh,
I never meant to cause you trouble
And oh, I never meant to do you wrong
Oh, well if I ever caused you trouble
Oh, no I never meant to do you harm

They spun a web for me
They spun a web for me
They spun a web for me"

started to fix my typing....put capitals in....screw that....it's my little rebellion against society and the capital pigs. who says one letter is better than another and deserves to be different?

back to mom and bro....hope they can see me...hear me.....sometimes i think yes, they can....other times, like tonight, i just feel like it's all a trap....everyone dies and we're all caught in a web.....the spider of death getting closer.....licking it's lips in anticipation of another victim. it just ate two old friends and my dear friend linda is probably next.....unless by some miricle she can escape deaths cold grip. my heart aches for the pain her family are feeling and i feel helpless.....empty of comforting words.